no excuses

When I finally decide to go ahead and follow through with something, things decided to get harder. Ugh!!! Am i the only person that seems not to hit the nail on the head? it is so frustrating to always give up for some reason or another. I have come to terms that there are no obstacles in the road, our own insecurities create illusions of obstacles that are not really there.
For some reason lately ive had a rush of enthusiasm, i started running, something ive never really done and it felt great! But now i am scared that i won’t keep it up because i gave up on something else.
Some times i feel so incompetent, i don’t understand why. i have the capability to be great at everything but there is a little monster in me that makes me lazy and uncaring about things, perhaps i have to see a physiologist or something.
Well the root to my lazy monster is known. My parents, they have been very supportive on all my decisions but they have always been negative people especially my father, he once told me that i had nothing special that i was just like any other person (regarding towards singing). That has been the answer to everything since i was young. It’s so sad to know that everything we deal with in our younger years affect us so much later on in life.
It’s like im in a daze that i can’t seem to snap out of. This little hypno session started about 3 years ago when my house was the devils den. i hated going home due to family issues “brother issues” “drug issues (not me)” i went into this uncaring mode.. Like cruise control, where i would just ignore everything and anything in order to not break down, but maybe that’s what i needed.. a break down. Perhaps if i would have broken down i wouldn’t be the ambitious zombie i am today. i just wish some people would understand that i was in a sad place for a long time and these walls ive built are very hard to break.
i need to start finishing what i start or ill be in this on-going circle that leads to no where forever.
I know very goal oriented people whish I admire so much. Its hard to see how much ambition one person can have and here I am with so little, I wish they could transfer some this way. For ambitious people there are no obstacles just problems that need to be solved, for people like me obstacles are the end of the road, a no outlet sign. Its so easy to judge others but the reality is that people should dig deep to find the core reason to other peoples actions and reactions.

I am going to change, I have realized my problem and I am going to solve it. This is the last time I give up. We where all born with a little brief case under our shoulders with specific talents and abilities but they came with no instructions, Its all up to us how we use them and achieve success with them.

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